Pilotage Cambodia

friends from Cambodia all across the world

2011-12-08T21:58:00.000-08:00

This post is not so much about Cambodia as it is about the people that I met in Cambodia and our fun in the past month. Life long friends!

These past two months have been a blizzard of travel. I've been working as a costume designer for a touring musician, which has put me on the road. What has been particularly nice about touring, is seeing all of the brilliant friends from Cambodia scattered all over the globe.

While in London, I got to see Amjad and catch up on all of the happenings at AP. If you are just tuning in, Amjad is the co-founder, funder, and staple of AP. We've been through quite a lot together, so seeing him is always like seeing family. Things at AP sound exceptionally good. There are tons of volunteers and projects in full swing. The kids are all growing. I got to see for myself. Amjad pulled out Skype while I was there and I got to talk to all of the kids. It made me cry.

Amjad and I at AP

Amjad in the financial district, just a few blocks from Occupy London

(which I ironically stopped in on later).

In the perfect weather of Cambodian December, I met Zita, a kindred spirit and also a native Londoner. Knowing I was going to be in London for work, I emailed her to meet up. Low and behold, she had moved to Sweden! And a ticket there was a hundred bucks. So fast forward a week, I found myself in Stockholm with one of my favorite people: Zita!

Nader and Zita at Angkor, 2008

Zita and I on the boat in Sweden!

She spends a lot of time on a special boat docked in the bay. We made videos and took tea on the boat almost every day.

The view across the bay - the marvelous architecture of Stockholm

The product of our 3am sessions

It's so fantastic when two artists get together. We had a blast making collages, painting, drawing, dancing and making a short video (in which I wear a cape, swooosh)!

Cape and the Viking city of Gamla Stan

The captain of the boat! He gave us Swedish lesson.

By this point my body make-up was about 70% black tea

Back in London for a few hours I met up with Davina at one of the subway stops. We literally grabbed something to drink and then had to be on our way. It was a lousy catch-up, but I was so happy to see her anyway.

A visit to Cambodia Davina and I made last year

When I returned to California, I was met by one of my best friends: Caitlin aka Geek the Sheik. We made last minute plans for a camping trip up north to the wonderland of Big Sur. If you have never been to Big Sur, you must, repeat must go there at some point in your life. The stretch of Highway 1 between San Francisco and Los Angeles is probably one of the most inspiring things you can do on four wheels. We drove up in a blaze of Bob Dylan and Talkingheads, singing at the top of our lungs to a sunset that was unbelievable! It was squeezed right out of a paint tube, the sky and water together in biblical bonfire. Amazing. I could barely drive.

We camped at Andrew Molera. There was literally no one there (because it was fricken cold as @$#^&amp), but bonus, we found little gifts in all of the bear boxes around the camp ground: sake, a frying pan, cups, firewood. It was a sign. Good times to come.

We did some super 9-mile hiking, played our instruments, cooked food around the campfire, took pictures and basically had an awesome time.

Coffee and conversation

2011-07-08T23:39:00.000-07:00

A delicious gift from my dear friend Janice. Khmer coffee from the source delivered to my mailbox.

Thank you, thank you, thank you Janice!

Well, since you are not here to converse with, I guess I will have to do all the talking. The short of it is that I've been having a time of it lately. I wish there was some cure for this state in which I find myself. I seem to be stuck in this ridiculous game, going round and round. I wish there was an explanation, some reason why it has been destined to happen this way. Maybe there is, but I’m unable to see it. I’d be able to bare this if I knew there was something to be gained from all the frustration, but as it is, there is nothing but stagnation. Empty promises. Escapism.

My father asked me last I saw him, what’s the big deal, why do you really have to go back to Cambodia. Why Cambodia, what’s so special about it? They asked me when I left the first time, why? There are good jobs here, good people here. If you really want to help people, by God there are plenty to be helped here. Why go across the world, far from family, especially when your grandparents are getting older? Can’t you be happy here?

There are many things that cannot be answered.

My friends in Cambodia ask similar questions. And give directives: you should be with your boyfriend. Why don't you get married? Why did you come here without him? Cambodian girls my age are married or desperately seeking marriage and family life. My good friend understood that I liked her country; of course she liked it too. But given the choice, it would be easy. Stay with your husband and be a good wife. Love is all you need.

Love should be all you need, right?

Yet, I grow so overwhelmed with the lifestyle here. I long for things to be much simpler. The stuff, it's everywhere and owns us. The bags that keeping coming into the house but don’t leave, the abundance of junk people accumulate, the way people talk about accumulating junk, the excitement they get from imagining the junk they will accumulate, my own fear that perhaps I could be seduced into accumulating junk – it’s troubling. I know the kind of person I want to be, who I want to become. Relaxing and enjoying fine foods, expensive clothes and five-star treatment is fine, but I never want to be attached to it, and I never want to seek it out. I have a friend who whenever luxuries are mentioned says with intent, “it will come, all in good time.” The ipads, the phones, the cars, the clothes, the computers, the newest and best – it’s all great, but I don’t care. I long for others who don’t care either.

I feel in my heart that I am an explorer, an adventurer, an Indian Jones hunting for the truth buried under this web of civilization. I want to live. I want to give what I have to those in need. I want to be able to be myself without clashing with every value around me. This, of course, is a way of living life, not a destination. But part of living and being is getting out in the open air and being able to breathe. There are plenty of places to breathe. I'd happily go to any and all of them. But when it comes down to Cambodia, it’s unexplainable. I believe a piece of my heart has always and will always reside there.

So there you have it. How have you been? How’s your coffee? Thanks for listening.

Always love the labeling

It's a sign - haha

2011-03-22T10:50:00.000-07:00

We were on our way to Long Beach. Someone was talking about next weekend and the date for a concert. Then it hit me. Today was March 20. That is Nader's birthday. And here we were in Long Beach, center of the Cambodian diaspora, getting ready to eat at Sophy’s Cambodian Restaurant. As we pulled up to the restaurant guess what was across the street. This sign. I kid you not.

A name like John or something, wouldn't mean much.
But Nader is not a common name...
So Happy Birthday Nader.

Celebrating with some food: If you are in Long Beach, CA, Sophy's is a pretty good place to eat Khmer. The beef jerky is so good. The Somlaw Machu Kreoung (picture) is extremely chngang - the flavor is a mix of lemon and curry. Ingredients in the broth (I believe) are lemongrass, galangal and turmeric.

The condiments - note the little green plant with the bulbs on top.

That is called sadao and is the meaning of bitter.

Enjoying riveting conversation

Remembering Nader

2011-03-02T23:00:00.000-08:00

I know I've been MIA from my beloved Cambodia blog for a long while. Don't be mad at me. It's hard to explain. I guess the simplest crudest way would be to say that dreaming about Cambodia while struggling through a day with spoiled kids has been tearing me apart. And it's not as simple as just getting on a plane - if it were we wouldn’t be talking. Or I guess we would be talking a lot more. When you are part of a duo, things get complicated. Hopefully that says enough to earn your forgiveness. I'm there in spirit. Especially today.

Two years ago on March 2nd, our good friend (and the director of AP) passed away. Today I've been stunned by of the fact that it has been two years! In my mind it feels like yesterday, but it also feels like lifetimes ago too. Strange how that can happen. I have dreams of Nader off and on, and also of my grandpa who recently passed away. Sometimes I wonder if they are visiting. I hope they are. In fact yesterday, I dreamed Nader and I were talking about the cosmos in the courtyard.

I guess today I simply want to say: It's been two years, but Nader lives on, at AP, and here with me. He was an important part of Cambodia for me. Everything from earning his friendship to duking it out over our disagreements will remain with me forever. During the chaos following his passing, I came to realize that there were actually very few of us who really knew him. I guess also for that reason, I feel a sacred responsibility to keep his memory alive. I'm good at carrying the torch. Viva Nader. Still miss you my friend.

Cambodian Water Festival Tragedy

2010-11-23T21:00:00.000-08:00

It's a sad sad day in Cambodia. My heart goes out to everyone.

If you follow news, you've probably heard by now the terrible news of tragedy that struck at the annual Water Festival in Cambodia. Shortly before 10pm, a big crowd of people packed on to the narrow Rainbow footbridge in south Phnom Penh, panicked and created a stampede. Hundreds of people were trampled under the crowd, which has left over 380 people dead and hundreds injured.

AP photo

The bridge was constructed this year and was meant for one-way traffic, but according to these articles the regulations were relaxed for the celebration. No one seems to know what started the panic. There are several theories. I subscribe to a bunch of online Cambodian newspapers and many seems to think the commotion started when some of those crossing the bridge saw the bridge bending with the weight. One theory is that some panicked thinking that the bridge would collapse. Another witness said that someone was shocked by the lights on the bridge causing a panic.

Pictures from Water Festival boat races

About Water Festival:

If you visit Cambodia in November, the Water Festival is really the place to be. Teams from all over Cambodia gather their boats down at the spot where the Tonle Sap and Mekong meet and race. The festival celebrates the turning of the season when the Tonle Sap River actually reverses its flow and the swollen Tonle Sap Lake empties towards Phnom Penh, carrying with it all of the fish that bred in the happy habitat created by the flooded lake during the rainy season. For Cambodia today, and certainly Cambodia of the past, this was a great celebration for fishing.

The city is full of people on this three-day celebration. Even in my experience, I found crowding to be a problem, and it has probably gotten worse as the city is growing and the festival attracts more and more people each year.

It's so sad to think of something like this happening, especially after reading some of the stories: separated families and fallen siblings. Women and children falling first. It's all so very sad. My prayers go out to you Cambodia.

You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.

2010-10-09T09:41:00.000-07:00

John Lennon Peace Wall in Prague, Czech Republic

Imagine there's no Heaven / It's easy if you try / No hell below us / Above us only sky / Imagine all the people / Living for today // Imagine there's no countries / It isn't hard to do / Nothing to kill or die for / And no religion too / Imagine all the people / Living life in peace // You may say that I'm a dreamer / But I'm not the only one / I hope someday you'll join us / And the world will be as one // Imagine no possessions / I wonder if you can / No need for greed or hunger / A brotherhood of man / Imagine all the people / Sharing all the world // You may say that I'm a dreamer / But I'm not the only one / I hope someday you'll join us / And the world will be as one

Happy Birthday 70 Lennon

new year

2010-09-29T21:27:00.000-07:00

Thank you guys for the birthday wishes! You are the best : )

Hopefully this will be our year! Best wishes to all of you out there.

AND congratulations to my good good friend in Cambodia, who just got engaged!

(I actually have a lot of stuff to add - back issues and whatnot that I just wanted to fill in. But for now my hands are tied. It took me 30 minutes to get a pictue. My computer is leaving us with a busted plug and a detached screen. Bye-bye computer : (

T'ngai kom nert

2010-09-09T23:25:00.000-07:00

Classic photo of a cake fight at AP

Happy Birthday in Khmer

Today is my birthday. I still like to celebrate birthdays like a big kid. Any reason to celebrate, right?

ice cream?

Hello

2010-08-23T17:40:00.000-07:00

from Virginia.

I am visiting my family this week in the US countryside. We are tucked into the mountains here in Virginia. Can you believe they just got internet! Cambodia was better connected than our cozy abode.

I am very happy to be spending time with family now and especially seeing my grandparents. My grandpa is not doing so well. It's a difficult time. They don't make them like him anymore.

My last day

2010-08-17T10:32:00.000-07:00

A fantastic group of people: all volunteers, former volunteer, or friends of volunteers of Aziza's Place.

On the left is Mic, he had just come to AP to volunteer from Tazmania. I racked his brain about TZ; he was probably dizzy. I very very nice guy. Ali, who has the best sense of humor. I miss you Ali! Behind her, Michael - Jane's boyfriend and working engineer in Cambodia. me - guarding my Java cookies. Dan, in the back, songwriter of the famous hit, "Mosquito wants to ride on the moto." Jane and Davina next to me. Jane is from Australia and now works in Cambodia in fair trade fashion. Davina was returning for a visit like me; she is from the UK. Davina was made to be a teacher - she was an amazing English instructor. Cath has been volunteering at AP for over a year, among other projects. She knows everyone in Phnom Penh, everyone. Ra is her roommate and everyone's Khmer teacher now. Lani is a volunteer from Canada who has great stories!

Some days I'm reminded how fortunate I am to have had the time with friends in Cambodia, working together, coming up with great ideas, drinking coffee, laughing. Volunteering brings together people with extraordinary hearts and minds. I recommend it for anyone who happens to read this. No matter where you are, the work is important and the friends you make are irreplaceable.

Even though everyone's far away now, I'm sure our paths will cross again. I have lots of love for all of those I've been fortunate to cross paths with..

The Old Coffee Shop

2010-08-03T12:27:00.000-07:00

I was very sad when I returned to Cambodia and found our favorite coffee shop had been replaced by a moto repair shop.

For the first couple of days, I was wandering around aimlessly. "I just don't know where to go now," I was telling Lani pitifully. She laughed and said, "Oh my gosh, where are you going to find another place to get coffee." Fair enough, they are literally on every block. But it's not the same. The place next to the market charged too much, and the girl was not very nice. The place across the street served watery coffee. The place that I usually went to in the evening was indoors and hot. There would just be no substitute for the tree coffee place.
It was around the fourth morning when I was walking up the street in the same predicament, when I heard someone yelling behind me, "Owhn, owhn!" I turned around. It was none other than the woman from the old coffee shop. She was running down the street in her galoshes and apron after me. I ran back and gave her a big hug! She invited me into the nook right next door where ALL of the old crew was hanging out as usual. Mr. Kea, the teacher I had drawn over a year ago, was there, chuckling and smoking. Mr. Cheng was there with his security buddies, shooting the breeze. It was like nothing had changed at all. They had just moved their tables over one nook.

Yeay (they call her Grandma even though she is only in her forties) and Mr. Kea

Mr. Cheng and his friend who's also a teacher

I sat right down. She brought over the usual condensed milk soup. Everyone sat back and enjoyed themselves. They wanted to know what I was doing, where I had been. They talked to me in a mix of Khmer and English, Cheng being the only English speaker. He is an English teacher at the high school across the street and comes to the cafe every morning before work, from probably 6am to 1pm.

On this morning he was busy practicing his curse words. He was actually delighted I had joined them because he was needing guidance. I helped him on the condition that he wasn't teaching this to his students! HA! What a crazy guy. He wanted to know the proper usage of each word and phrase, how to spell it and then proper pronunciation. He went through his list...bullshit, cowdung, bastard. As he talked be mindlessly put check marks next to each phrase. "That bastard," thinking to himself, "yes correct."

That's bastard!

The concept of Place

2010-07-12T12:25:00.000-07:00

The Concept of Place: that's kind of a joke to me. I used to work with a community non-profit near downtown LA. We were a young staff; a lot of us were just out of college. The California crew had their heads filled with conceptual ideas about nebulous things like... "the concept of Place" with a capital P. I started to laugh at the new jargon of non-profits: empowerment and concepts for community building and expressing the concept of place and identity through project-based, hands-ons idea-sharing. I know you are itching to fund ... something, just by reading that.

Anyway, here are some shots of "Place" in Cambodia. I've been having a twisted time lately waking up in dreams in different places. Cambodia appears often.

Mock bi Udong

2010-07-07T02:40:00.000-07:00

Faces and things from Udong.

I realized I was writing a lot so I thought I would change it up and just do some photos. Sometimes I think the internet loves photos more than writing.

Chibodia

2010-06-30T11:33:00.000-07:00

While I'm on the topic of visiting place, I thought I would share some photos of Chibodia!

Chibodia.org (in German)

This is a home and learning center similar to Aziza's Place. In fact, the founders, Sam and Anne Pehlke were good friends of Nader, the former director of Aziza's Place. There are tight networks of people who do similar work in Cambodia. It's so good to have the support of friends to bounce ideas off of, to unwind with. And Sam and Anne are some of the nicest people you will meet.

They just moved the Chibodia house to a new and wonderful location, which we were fortunate to go check out. There wasn't much effort on our part; all we had to do was cross the street! It's a vast improvement from their old site, which was miles outside of the city. Their new location allows the kids from Chibodia and Aziza's Place to play together, and share programs. Some of the classes like film and music can be offered to kids from both centers now! And we get to see the lovely Chibodia crew more!

Last Year....

I worked with Chibodia for a short stint teaching art. It was a great experience, and I wished I could've continued. The drive to their old site was very far and after Nader's death it was important to focus on Aziza's Place. However, I will always remember my trips out to Chibodia with fondness. At first I tried to drive the motorbike, but taking tea in the middle of a freeway was probably safer than me crossing the Airport traffic. After a few trips, I decided to stop playing Russian Roulette. Luckily, I made good friends with a moto driver named Bun Nim. Nim is a former monk and school teacher, who was desperate to practice his English (because he was teaching it). He took me to Chibodia for classes twice a week, and we drank coffee and practiced English/Khmer afterwards. He never charged me, which was so kind. Chibodia graciously provided travel funds, so I paid him one lump sum at the end. He was really happy. I'll always be in debt to him.

When we arrived at Chibodia, the girls peered outside and saw it was me - their old art teacher. We had an exciting reunion. It had been a long time, and I only taught for a little over a month, but their welcome was like coming home again. They are some of the sweetest girls; I missed them

Here I am with the girls from my class. Sreyvy, in the pink, is an awesome artist.

thanks for the lovely picture ali

Sam gave us the grand tour. The new house is huge! It's very colorful and airy, with tons of nice little nooks for reading, and hammocks for hanging out on the balcony and drinking ice coffee... oh wait. Sorry my fantasy intruding.

Ali and Amjad loitering

Chibodia House

Orange

orange and green

Rafters to second floor

It was hot! I mean Hot! Amjad (founded Aziza Foundation), me, and Sam (director of Chibodia). I'm enjoying the weird thing hair does when it sticks to a sweat brow.

We treated ourselves for a few minutes to a huddle around the AC in Sam's office.

Sam is always trying to convince AP to get AC in the office. AP, AC, AC, AP

Colorful clothing spread in the courtyard

Super designs on the windows

Girl's Room

Boys

Wanta is the oldest boy at Chibodia. He's a good older brother. Right now, he's taking the film class at Aziza's Place! He showed us some of the films he has been working on. It's amazing, he has all of the kids at Chibodia acting in them.

They all admire one little boy, because he can basically cry on demand. Wanta casts him in all of the starring roles. Something else that's really amazing. This is just my aside: There's little or no jealousy. All of the other kids agree that this little boy is the best at acting. They know that they are good at something else. It's refreshing.

In the film we watched, Wanta had the girls doing karate, kicking the butt of of some bullies who were picking on the younger boys. This is what people like Nader, who started the film program, dream about. Wanta shooting his own films with all of his friends after class.

Ali and the movie star

Chibodia serves more kids than Aziza's Place, which has its positives and drawbacks. It really depends on an organizations capacity, resources and values. Chibodia also funds quite a few other projects in the city and in the countryside. If you speak German, check out das website. Chibodia.org

Lakeside North

2010-06-23T23:58:00.000-07:00

Third Stop: Lakeside North

This was the last stop on our city tour. Again, tucked back into the many little houses closest to the water's edge, this was Drew's newest project. We all liked the house. It was built out over the water on top of twisted longs, no thicker than driftwood, sunk down into the swampy water.

The children ran to us when we walked down the planks into the porch. AHH if only I could have such a joyful reception everywhere I go. And these kids had never even met us. Maybe I need to become a rockstar. I know the sight of a foreigner is just so exciting; but truthfully the sight of such open and loving children is just as fun. They ran, jumped and held to our arms and legs like ladybugs.

Drew had a small computer lab and some supplies for a clinic. A class was in session of older kids who were studying English. They sang us a song and all introduced themselves shyly, watching their teacher, and reciting their lines on cue. "My name is Sreynath. What is your favorite color?"

Name, color. All the pertinent information.

The school stood on driftwood pillars with a swamp of inky water below. Though inundated with trash, the deep green water plants and plank houses were still beautiful.

These little boys were tearing apart Styrofoam and dropping it into the water below. It pained me to see. I made a feeble attempt to tell him that it wasn't good. Bad for the water. Bad for the plants. Bad for him. But I could tell it made no sense at all to him.

It seems to me that pollution should not have to be another burden of the poor. I think Ali or maybe Cath was explaining the theory of how pollution, specifically littering came to be a part of the lifestyle in Cambodia. Karen Coates in Cambodia Now had a similar theory, which could probably be applied to just about any region.

In the pre-plastic age, when most of the country farmed, kids sat on the porch eating a mango, and when they finished they threw the rind out into the field. No problem. The mango quickly decomposed and fertilized the soil. Happy cows.

Fast forward to our current means of food. Even people in the farthest reaches of the country eat some packaged goods. Common knowledge or maybe habit says you just keep throwing the rind.. or package on the ground.

Where else would you put it?

Trash collection is a problem in poor areas. Still, I know landfills are not a solution, even for wealthy nations. Alas, had our ancestors had a grain of forethought they might’ve spent a little more R&D on the plastic. Really, the human race could’ve done a lot better.

Landfills are no solution, but at least by transporting non-biodegradable items away, you reduce the immediate health hazards. Obviously Steung Meanchey comes to mind. Can you imagine the amount of toxic fumes, contaminated water, and leeching chemicals that residents ingest spending a day, much less their entire lives in such conditions? I guess the tiny silver lining is they have the immune system of a tank.

Unfortunately the situation is like a pebble in an avalanche. If the masses are throwing away trash in your community, surrounding your home, what difference does it make if you tote your garbage out? You still live amid the pollution. I guess after a while you have to give up and get used to it.

The whole equation would have to change.

West Boeung Kak Lakeside

2010-06-22T23:44:00.000-07:00

Second Stop: Lakeside (west)

We traveled north to the Boeung Kak Lake. It's one of those situations in Cambodia that just makes you go, "huh?" Basically there is a nice big lake north of the city, and instead of building around the lake, constructing some nice boat docks and scenic apartments or hotels, developers have decided to fill in the lake with sand and build "ontop" of the lake. Nobody gets it. When we flew over the city, two Cambodian men sitting in front of me were shaking their heads at it. "The lake used to be so beautiful!" One of them said. "And now, they take it away."

Here's a good visual for what I'm talking about:

Boeng Kak Lake in 2008 (picture from Save Boeng Kak Lake)

Boeung Kak Lake filling with sand (picture I took from plane April 2010)

Last year, I visited Drew's Lakeside project with Nader. We wound back into the recesses of the Lakeside community, through potted roads and alleyways to the tiny building where Drew conducted his classes and community meetings. It was the end of rainy season so the building, which was right on the water's edge was flooded. We had to walk around on piled up tile pillars. Drew had several community members, a nurse, and a student who were all interested in getting a community clinic underway. I remember wandering onto the crooked planks of the boardwalk which angled out into the water.
I came back in May with Dan and the building had been completely demolished. We could see the slab and cinderblocks were the building once stood. It was a strange sight. "Stop Evictions" had been written on an adjacent wall.

Footprint of Drew's old community center

Dan and I followed a path out into the lake and I began taking pictures of the machines filling the lake in with sand. A government guard, ran towards us and instructed us to leave immediately. We were not to take pictures and we had to go.

He was yelling at me from the sidelines as I was taking this photo

That was last year. I recognized the roads immediately as Amjad, Jana, Katharina and I neared the Lakeside. But once we reached the shore, I was lost. The landscape was entirely different. It's so strange to have LAND where there was none before.

You can see the difference:

2009

2010

2009

2010

2009

2010

Drew's new community center is located just across the tracks from the old building. It's really a nice house with lots of murals.

They were repeating: "What do you like?" "Pizza." "Cheese." "Cake."

Drew happened to mention that he was getting married over the weekend. By the way..

Congratulations Drew!

Aziza Schoolhouse

2010-06-22T01:00:00.000-07:00

First stop: Aziza Schoolhouse in the Bassac Building

The Bassac Building: I'm in awe of this building. It's incredible.

Aziza Schoolhouse

Aziza Schoolhouse is located in the Bassac building, a long apartment building near the Royal Palace that is impossible to miss. The facades are discolored with oozing mold, and the interior is cool, dark and ominous. It's easily the scene for a eerie psycho-thriller. Walls are solid concrete and the doors are heavy with tiny window that have asylum-like bars. Nader told me that the architect was actually pretty ingenious, and designed the building to have an efficient airflow, but the owner later cut up the interior to maximize apartment space and thus the design was compromised and has decayed to its present state. Now it sits decorated like a misfit Christmas tree with warped wood tacked on in places, wrapped in clotheslines and a potpourri of drying laundry, loose plumbing, and nooks and crevasses of trash.

Despite the condition of the building, it is prime real estate along with the large collective of shanty lean-tos behind it. Being so close to the waterfront, developers have obviously been eying the land for some time. The first seizure happened in 2006. Families were driven out and developers began to chip away at the huge piece of land. CLCA, the orphanage that both Drew and Nader were volunteering at, was temporarily dismantled. Nader went on to create Aziza's Place and Drew started Aziza Schoolhouse.

(Other than friendship, Aziza's Place has no real relationship to Aziza Schoolhouse. From what I understand Nader and Drew were developing their projects simultaneously, so the name Aziza stuck to Drew's project too.)

We ventured through the building to find the tiny alley way that led to the Aziza Schoolhouse nook. The children were studying English in the traditional chorus of "repeat after me."

Srey Roth was teaching when we came in. I was happy to see her. She was the teacher working last year when I stopped by to volunteer and was so sweet. The kids had tons of questions for us. What's your name? How old are you? Do you have any brothers or sisters? Do you like Cambodia? They were so cute.

I was happy to see the schoolhouse in good order; it has only been a little over a year since the big eviction.

In January of 2009 at 2am, bulldozers entered the community destroying everything in their path. Drew lived a block away and heard the bull horns from his house and rushed to the scene. He called Nader. So with Socheat, we took off down to the site. It was madness.

The community had been cornered into the center of the Bassac building with no access to the exit. Everyone congregated at Drew's Aziza Schoolhouse. There was violence as the bulldozers collapsed houses. One girl had a broken collarbone and lay in the schoolhouse. We hade a major scare as the private paramilitary contractors tried to board the schoolhouse up with corrugated metal. We basically had to make a human shield to prevent them from welding the poor girl and all of the community's possession shut. It got nasty, but eventually they negotiated for about 2 feet, which is how you get to the classroom now, through the tiniest of corridors.

Pictures I took from 2009 Dey Grahom Eviction

Thankfully, Aziza Schoolhouse lives on

Drew's Franchise

2010-06-22T00:01:00.000-07:00

Checking out Jana's pictures reminded me that I hadn't posted any pictures from Drew's many projects around Phnom Penh. We took a day out during our stay to get a proper tour.

Jana and Katharina enroute to Drew's projects. A long day!

Drew's projects are very community oriented. Each of his schoolhouses have become community hubs. They are in the poorest neighorhoods and serve those who are desperately in need of education, health care, vocational training, and a place to go if...when.. there are serious problems. Drew works tirelessly, bringing in volunteers and providing jobs; he has been there for these people when they really needed him.

Drew excitedly welcomed at the Lakeside (north)

..... I was going to write one long post but I realized once I got started that I actually had a lot to say about each place.

Aziza's Schoolhouse
Lakeside (west)
Lakeside (north)

Pics From JANA!

2010-06-21T22:35:00.000-07:00

Jana sent me some pictures from our trip! Great pictures and so nice to reconnect with everything Cambodian. My mind has been overly stressed and worked, can't tell you how good it is to step back into the beauty of our trip to Cambodia.

Jana, Katharina, and me in the tuktuk

Royal Museum

Royal Palace

Outhouse next to Drew's Lakeside community center

Sweet girls at Drew's Lakeside school

Ven at Udong

Me with Momphat and the girls

Jana and Katharina with lil Chenny

Katharina at Steung Meanchey

Thanks for the pictures Jana. Miss you guys!

Words of Wisdom

2010-06-08T03:11:00.000-07:00

"If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should see sorrow and suffereing enough to disarm all hostility."

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

from "The Art of Forgiveness, Lovingkindness, and Peace," by Jack Kornfield

picture: khmer rouge soldiers from historyplace

New Little one

2010-05-26T23:10:00.000-07:00

That little cherub face in the middle is the newest addition to Aziza's Place.

Unlike the other kids from AP, she was living on the streets (not the city's landfill). I have a feeling Ali saw her a couple times and she just stole Ali's heart. It's easy to see why. She is incredibly smart, cute, brave and loving. However, there have been many challenges that have been difficult for the staff and other children to manage. She has some bad habits: Dishonesty, stealing, bad language, fighting. Selling her school books when she's at school. Eating from the garbage. On the first day of school, they said she came back with her crisp school uniform completely soiled. She had a gigantic gash in her head from falling into a desk.

(This is all second hand information from Ali) Things look to be improving. In the beginning the Khmer staff in particular didnt know how to deal with her. Her language was so bad. There have been some adjustments. But the security and love she is getting at AP will surely help her deal with those "survival mechanisms" that she learned on the streets.

Part of that street sense will serve her well. She is really really tough. Ali brought Dan's skateboard back from the US. She continuously fell, nasty spills (we made sure she was wearing protective gear). Still she took some bad falls that would bring most kids to torrential tears. She just got up. "It's okay. No problem," she would tell us as we looked at each other with bewilderment.

I have confidence that with the right values and good role models, she will grow to be quite a little lady.

The only covered shoes at AP are 100 sizes too big.

"It's okay. No Problem."

Steung Meanchey in April

2010-05-25T22:52:00.000-07:00

A bumpy trip in the back of the tuk-tuk, dropping off the kids one Saturday evening.

I'm amazed any of these came out clear. It was like trying to needle point while riding a bucking bronco.

Funny Cambodia

2010-05-24T22:37:00.000-07:00

Here's a fun collection of miscellaneous sites and sounds from Cambodia that made me laugh.

The big screen on the side of the Casino was having technical difficulties..

Sign on a cafe in Sovanna market. No beating around the bush.

Directions on how to use an escalator posted prior to "boarding."

It occured to me that there must only be two places with escalators in all of Cambodia.

Ny is very skeptical in this picture. She held my arm each time we got on.

The prize table at a carnival.

I'm sure the kids were itching to take home that detergent and wash bin.

(The other games had candy prizes, of course they had a better turn out.)

My personal favorite:

"Their mission was to create delicious ice cream concoctions with loads of ingredients and fanciful names. from the initial concept for every day to everyone."

LOADS of ingredients. The more the merrier. FANCY names. I'm sold.

Rules at Blue Lotus massage. No dynamite, nuclear weapons, pan flutes, paisley ties or prostitutes.

Probably someone trying to be funny. But what do they have against pan flutes?

Teacher practicing written curse words at the cafe. "That's bastard!"

Pineapple Porn Moan Pizza.

I'm pretty sure Miller beer's slogan is not "It's American Time."

From the Taipei airport, but still illicts an affectionate wtf

I just like the name, "Green Relaxing Zone." These should be everywhere.

Hello long lost blog

2010-05-24T15:40:00.000-07:00

Sorry for all that have come by here in the recent weeks. No new pictures or writing. My apologies.

Here's what I've been up to:

I. Returned from Cambodia... and moved the day I got back!

II. Moving....moving

III. Got a new job as Art Director of Boys and Girls Club. (I'll be able to put together an awesome art curriculum, which I plan to export to Aziza's Place! Duel Purpose!)

IV. One of my very best friends just got a record deal...doning the costume I made for her at the showcase. So now we have lots of work..website, photoshoots, more costumes, new CD cover..

V. My computer is on its last leg. Literally I guess its only leg - the power cord died. A blessing and a curse, my computer was out of commition for some time, while R. jimmy-rigged it in super Fix-it fashion.

VI. Now I am really sick and in bed at this moment : (

VII. On the upside, when we moved into this new place I noticed a donut shop a block away!

The rule - at least in LA - is that donut shops are run by Cambodians. Such was the case! Their names are Sreypov and Leap. They are from Kampot - land of pepper and Durian. They've lived here for roughly 15 years. Sreypov just had twin boys.

You can tell Leap misses Cambodia. Everyday he wears a different Angor Wat t-shirt. They must fill his entire closet to the brim. He's also an ardent proponent of Khmer language. And is so happy to speak Cambodian and help me translate whatever I'm working on. Usually I'm trying to figure out a passage from a book or a letter from Aziza's Place.

A couple days ago, I brought in some Khmer that I had transcribed from a karaoke hip-hop video. Leap and his uncle were at the donut shop and turned it upside down. Basically they were at a loss. Shaking their heads and saying, "I don't know. I think this is wrong."

I shouldn't be surprised. When I think about it, if I gave lyrics from a 50-cent, Snoop Dogg, or an American hip-hop song to someone in their 60s in the US, they would probably have the same reaction. "I think this is wrong." You might even get a little diatribe about the devolution of our culture.

But it was funny watching them try to figure it out. "...mmm. pretty girl...expensive motos....sexy...I don't know. I don't understand."

I like that little "Luxury" icon.

I have a lot to write about from my last trip to Cambodia.

Puzzles and Papy

2010-04-24T18:17:00.000-07:00

Puzzle party

I've been a puzzle lover all my life.

I tried to introduce puzzles last year, but there were only about 2 to choose from at IBC and they were huge. We tried to work them, but the pieces fell apart and the lighting was very bad.

I brought some easier ones this time. One with Superheroes and one with snow. They LOVED them. They put them together.. took them apart.. put them together.. I'll have to bring lots more next time (Note 100 and 500 piece)

Sokty was in a bad mood and sat in the corner working the Superhero puzzle by himself. I had to laugh he reminded me of myself as a kid.

Maybe it's kind of silly, but it's nice to share my favorite past time with them.

I still love to go back home to Virginia and work puzzles with my Grandpa.

(In fact today is my grandpa's birthday. Happy Birthday Papy!)

And just because I can, here's an ode to the man himself.

This is my grandpa. George (Roy) Washington. Yep, my great grandparents named him George Washington. I still can't figure out if that was a joke or pride. Who knows. Around his small southern town he is known as "Rawhide". This is because he's a cowboy at heart and tougher than nails (as they say). He was a sailor in his early years and in this picture he is no doubt telling some unbelievable story from his days on the boat. My grandmother has heard this story a million times over the years, and she's holding her head because the fish in the story that was once 10 pounds has grown to be over 1000 pounds. "That fish was every bit as big as that back closet..."

If he looks stiff in the picture, it is because he broke his neck... twice. Once in a car crash years ago and last year falling down the stairs. Tough as nails. He lives off of Dr. Pepper, coffee and Lucky Strike cigarettes. He works puzzles, reads westerns - tearing each page out as he reads it, and hangs out at the job sites around town where he used to work as an electrcian. Now he just makes jokes all day, and the guys love it.

You can't not love it. I miss you Papy. Happy Birthday!

Stay Tuned

2010-04-15T01:34:00.000-07:00

I have LOTS to write about, unfortunately I have no access to internet for the time being. So check back later!

I have pictures from Udong mountain, stories of some funny reunions, pictures from Steung Meanchey and Dey Khrahom relocation site, and lots of new pop music thanks to the boys and some other odds and ends.

.. and Happy New Year!

Reunion

2010-04-05T01:44:00.000-07:00

Janice, me, Amjad, lil Lina, Jana, and Katharina

Amazing seeing everyone again!

Janice has been volunteering at AP since January. And happens to be my roommate this week! I cant tell you how generous and thoughtful she has been. I will forever be in debt to her. She is so colorful. I could sit and listen to her stories into the wee hours. She grew up in Saudi Arabia in the same area as Amjad. She worked years back for the UN to ease Israeli and Palestinian tensions. Now she's working on a book.

It's been great seeing Amjad again. Here he's hold AP's newest addition, Lina. He also brought Jana and Katharina. Jana was Aziza's au pair years ago and Katharina is Jana's good friend. They both studied architecture and have been showing some of the boys the ropes. They are fantastic; can't wait to see them around again.

Dan and Ali

The Virginia flavor.

More to come, but it might take a few days. Lots happening in the wonderful land of AP.

Goodbye Tree Coffee

2010-03-25T08:03:00.000-07:00

The tree coffee place is gone! Why why why....

My favorite place to drink coffee and draw has been turned into a motorbike and parts supply.
Aren't there twenty more moto places on the same block, why take the cafe?

Ali and the cafe lady last year.

All talk on the English front

2010-03-24T09:18:00.000-07:00

What a relaxing day at the school. HA! I got to sit back smugly while the volunteers rushed to prepare for class. I reveled a little too much in my coffee and pears and soaked in the small morning breeze on the slat benches outside. It was nice to be able to just watch. And yet, I don't think I could do it for too too long.

I realized later eating with Dan that the responsibilities of being an administrator force you to cut down on some of your more involved tasks. (Unfortunately this can be counter-productive, and often a liability.) In this case, the one that usually has to go is teaching. I'll be the first to admit, it was strain. (I was teaching English every day, art two days a week, AND English in the afternoons everyday with the housemoms on top of my administrative duties.) Eventually something would have to go. I couldn't do that long term. But despite all, I just couldn't give up teaching. Especially my Advanced English class with the kids. It's kind of a cop out on my part to say I enjoyed teaching them. They would be a pleasure for anyone to teach. I was lucky. Sometimes I prepared whole lesson plans and then threw them all out the window when one of them asked a thought-provoking question. We sat and discussed what was on the other side of the universe, what came after "space", why people have religion, why people fight over religion.

A 13 year-old asking questions is a fire you want to fan. Then I made them write until their hands fell off. It was funny to hear them talk about my class now. "You made me write too much!" Oh the travesty.

I did my best. Teaching English as a second language in this environment is difficult. They need it no doubt, because Cambodian language doesn't even make the Barnes and Noble bookshelves. They have to know English to get a job here or anywhere else. Khmer is just too obscure for the world at large. "But it is the most beautiful language of all," Rotha told me today. Alas Rotha, English has the upper hand.

The challenge for them becomes learning all facets of English simultaneously. Speaking, but also writing, grammar, spelling (practice what you preach), reading, and pronunciation. On all fronts.

The school's in need of a curriculum and sound books to work from. This is a massive job. And I think often an organization skirts the head on task because you can make do with volunteers, gauging progress as it goes, finding semi-suitable books and planning week to week. You get by alright. The problem starts when the kids plateau and their progress levels out into a mess of habits and repetition. They stop looking forward, because they don't really know where that is. I hate boxes as much as the next person, but a full curriculum would do the trick. With books and benchmarks, they know where they've come from, what they've learned, and where they are going. Done thoroughly, a solid curriculum would turn the hodgepodge learning into a visible path. Making a curriculum.. well that's another loooong story.

Ah the lightness of being

2010-03-24T09:11:00.000-07:00

Sunsets over Indochina

Looking forward to all of the days to come in this beautiful country.

Sokty's birthday is two weeks from today; he has informed me. Can I lengthen my trip by one day?
I think I might actually be here two weeks and a day anyway. :)
Lots of fun today hanging out with the kids, meeting the new volunteers, doing puzzles, and pretending to play basketball.
Can't wait to see Ali and Amjad on Friday!

Guess Where I'm at?

2010-03-23T07:43:00.000-07:00

Cambodia!

Zoning out after 30 some hours in airports and on planes. It was a wild ride, much different from my last transpacific voyage. I started to look back on my last trip with a little reverance. As if the big guy up stairs was looking out for my scared lil butt. More than that, paving the way with gold brick, I might add.

Last time the terminal was eerily empty. The truth of what I had done echoed back off of the mauselum-like walls. I walked right up to the counter, got my ticket and waded into the sea of Taiwanese travelers at the gate, not a soul looked my way. This time I waited in a 2 hour line and fretted the whole time about missing my plane, but made nice small talk with a Filipino college student. On my last trip, I got a window seat from which to dwell on my life-changing endeavor. This time I sat squeezed in the back of the airplane for 15 hours. All along the voyage, I reflected on what a smooth trip I was blessed with last time. This go around was much different, but equally as fun.

I met a Cambodian girl named Chariya at the escalator - chance encounter that changed the course of my day. We hung out in the terminal as we waited. She moved to Houston, Texas from Cambodia about 5 years ago and works at a donut shop now. She was beat tired from waking up at 2 or 3am, 7 days a week and sending all of her money back to her brother who was going to school here in Cambodia. I didn't know I'd be meeting him.

I was set to take a taxi or tuk-tuk back, I even envissioned using the last strands of Cambodian language that I was clinging to for dear life. But she offered to take me back to the school. I couldn't turndown a free ride. When we exited the airport (into the sauna), she had at least 20 yelling family members that decended on her. They grabbed my arm and smiled at me through betel teeth. "Kowat joul jeut carrie!" She likes Cambodian curry. She announced to them all. That was all they need to hear. They insisted that I come and eat lunch with them. It was on the way to the school, so I said sure. Chariya asked me, "Do you know how to eat Cambodian food?" They were all concerned, I laughed a little to myself. Spoon to mouth? I knew they meant, did I like Cambodian food.. and did I want to eat it.. and would I get scared of the chicken feet and fermented fish.

Chariya eating Khmai

We rode to their house tucked back in the dirt fields and rough houses. Her family were so happy to have a guest. We dined on fresh coconut, fruit, bean soup and rice. Her aunt stood over me as I took my first bite of each food to see if I could handle it. I actually liked it all, but again broke with sanitary rules, before I even basically got out of the airport. They drove me back to the school. The school thought I was crazy when I rode up with an entourage. Chariya and her brothers thought I was crazy when I fell off the bike in the excitement of seeing everyone.

It is great to be back. Surreal, but great.

And the best part, hands down, was meeting the kids as they came out from school. One by one they arrived at the school courtyard to meet the housemom who typically walks them back to the house. I waited with her and as each one came out of the class, they screamed and ran and jumped. It was better than all the reunions in my head.

Happy Birthday Nader

2010-03-20T01:12:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Nader

Where's Caitlin

2010-03-19T23:53:00.000-07:00

One thing that will definitely be missing from this trip: Caitlin.

I guess this was too last minute. Wish she had more notice to get onboard.

Will miss you Sheik!!

Heat Pocket

2010-03-19T23:42:00.000-07:00

I am mentally trying to prepare myself for sticky hot weather. April is basically the hottest time of year in Cambodia. I never knew much about Celsius, but I learned when the dial gets in the forties leaving the fan's sphere of influence is not advisable.

(Maybe we can go back to the waterpark :)

Swimming in Cambodia is more modest than in the West. Men, women and even children usually swim with t-shirt and shorts or longer pants. Never "bathing suits." I kind of like that, makes you feel like a kid again, getting in the bathtub with all of your clothes on. My little brother knows something about that.

Learning Khmer: Karaoke Style

2010-03-19T22:46:00.000-07:00

I've heard countless ESL folks attribute all of their language skills to watching soap operas, Hollywood movies and listening to music. In fact, I think my friend Kelly was telling me about a girl from Europe who came to the US and learned English from old Beatles songs and other oldies. When she broke up with her boyfriend she said, "Why do you build me up, just to let me down." I'll never forget that priceless phrase snatch.

I might be driving the other direction, but I think I could learn something from this. I need to submerge myself in Khmer media to up my language skills. We obviously don't have any Khmer television this side of the ocean, so what's the plan?

Khmer Karaoke videos!

The best of both.

Music and performance, AND the words are written at the bottom of the screen for (not-so-easy) deciphering. Plus I believe the karaoke videos are a real slice of Khmer culture. Friends and family back home will definitely enjoy them!

I think I'll bring back a stack. Any recommendations?

Getting Ready for the Ride

2010-03-15T15:12:00.000-07:00

Got so much clutter on my brain right now, it would be heavenly just to go walk in the rain. However, there will be no rain in Cambodia this time of year. (None here in sunny California either).

It's funny how people need rain just like plants. It can clean out the cobbwebs and calm the mind and spirit. The yin to the sun's yang...or I guess that would be the moon, but anyway too much of either and we start to wilt.
I could use some rain right now. Everything slows down and becomes more reflective. The sounds and smells fill the senses. Just a cup of tea, and I could stare out into the blankets of rain drops for hours. Peaceful. This is how I remember Cambodia. In the quiet recesses, Cambodia is the perfect place to let the pace of life slow and appreciate all things: people, plants, scenery, with nothing to do but marvel at the peculiarities of this world.

The top picture is by the dreaded McCurry, the second is from Flickr - pat

Happy Birthday Jane

2010-03-13T19:35:00.000-08:00

Jane's birthday last year. Looking forward to seeing everyone again! and

Jane's birthday should be coming up! Happy Birthday Young Coconut!

Eat some tasty cake and pastries for me.

Cambodia Cambodia Cambodia

2010-03-09T11:53:00.000-08:00

Can't concentrate on my work.

Here is a preliminary list of things that I plan to do upon arriving:

Give big hugs to all of the kmaying kmaying and staff
Big hugs for Amjad, Ali, Dan, Jane and Davina (Sheik where are you:)!
Ride motos and eat noodles with Stacie and Jacky!
Drink coffee! and say hello the lovely lady at the tree cafe
Call up my moto man, Nim
And my friend Sim
Catch up on everything that's been going on
Buy my Grandma those magnets she was asking for to add to her collection
Eat pig blood porridge... can't believe I really missed this
Go to... Spark, yeah I said it
Eat Asian pears!!
Play in the courtyard with everyone
Draw with the kids
Drive the moto (my driving in the US suffered from the freedom I experienced driving in Cambo.)
Pressure Lim into cooking Curry
Read books with kmaying kmaying and do puzzles
Visit Steung Meanchey
Visit Nader

Khnyom trolop Kampuchea

2010-03-08T12:39:00.000-08:00

Cambodia here I come!

Making a short visit at the end of this month. I did a lot of deliberating for many reasons. But when it comes down to it. I just can't wait to see the kids, Ya, Phat, Makara, Lim, Amjad, Dan, Ali, Jane, Davina, Stacie and Jacky and all of the wonderful people that I have been missing since returning to the US. I wish I could cut out the Pacific (no offense Samoans) and take this trip way more often.

Remembering Nader

2010-03-02T23:45:00.000-08:00

Nader Ebrahimi

It has been one year since the passing of Aziza's Place founder, Nader Ebrahimi. His vision continues to steer the organization, his handprints still shine through the school's beautiful designs and colors, and his values, most of all, can be seen in the children, who are respectful, smart, confident and setting their sights for the moon - just like Nader taught them.

For this day, I wanted to collect some reflections, anecdotes and stories of our time with Nader. I believe Aziza's Place was his life's purpose, and that is something to forever be grateful for.

This might not be the flowery tribute that I should write. I actually don't know what to write, but I felt like saying something. I suppose the truth is simply that life is not always flowers anyway. We all struggle with ups and downs, Nader no less than the rest of us. However, holding to the truth and looking it in the eye was Nader's creed. For better or worse, he never shied away from a conflict, and he never really simmered his opinions or feelings on a matter. I grew to appreciate this and learn a lot from it.

So here's to Nader, the beauty of life and the darkness, and the perspective we get from it all.

He called the kids kmaying-kmaying (Cambodian for children). Think he just liked the sound of it. It's fun to say.

With the kmaying kmaying, when AP first opened its doors in 2007.

Nader built Aziza’s Place from the ground up, overseeing every tile and dab of paint. He put everything he had into this place, and as a result it is special. The children have grown up with integrity and honesty, discipline and respect; all values that Nader showed in his own life and that he was able to impart to the children.

These values that he intended to pass down sometimes appeared in his mannerisms as severe. He earned his badge of respect and admiration and used this to guide the children with strict discipline and accountability. The little ones worked feverishly for his approval, which only came with excellence. He so often played the disciplinarian that when he cracked up, they loved it.

His office was a microcosm of his entire life I think. His desk was littered with ornately designed Iranian tins and boxes, Alain Delon smokes, sketchbooks and graph paper. The benches cluttered with Barcelona futball insignias, tailored jackets, a dozen identical shirts in different colors duplicated locally by his favorite Cambodian seamstress. And the walls, stained with tobacco and monsoon sweat, carried the ghosts of his life as a photographer with old prints of his father – hand developed on aging paper, next to magazine cutouts and an old fan. The minutia and curiosities told a story. He was, in his own words, “always out for a story.”

If I imagine he was a character in a book, sitting back in his old swivel chair smoking his French-colonial cigarettes, I think he would be a rouge intelligence officer marooned somewhere on the Mekong. Living under the radar, collecting information about local affairs. This little mosquito-ridden room with its bare light bulb sets the stage for great stories of ideologies and ideas. A place for hatching plans like a guerrilla mastermind, like a Che Guavera plotting his next move of great influence.

He was always plotting the next move.

History and politics

Nader subscribed the school to both the Phnom Penh Post and the Cambodia Daily newspapers. Every morning, he was down at the coffee shop reading the paper, studying up on global politics, smoking a cigarette and staring in disbelief at the brutal murders that invariably appeared each day in the police blotter.

He liked to talk politics. He had so much on his mind that he often forgot facts and specifics, but he built his theories up from those lasting impressions. This is how we first became friends; we shared a similar, though jaded perspective on current world affairs, particularly in the US. He was really affected by the injustices of the world.

I will always appreciate the lively conversations over coffee. In this picture, Zita, Nader and I were somewhere in the countryside enroute from Siem Reap. He was musing over a group of old Cambodian men, sitting in the corner of the cafe. In disgust, he deemed them to be former Khmer Rouge members, and was trying to listen in on their conversation to confirm it.

He picked up Khmer very quickly. Speaking English, French, Spanish, and some Farsi, Khmer came fairly easily. We all enjoyed his stories from the market. He would walk away from a stall with a hilarious interaction talking about some Cambodian store clerk and their almost certifiable insanity. It never occurred to him that his Khmer could be the cause for the confusion.

He spoke so confidently many Cambodians praised his abilities, but on the off occasion when pressed, they would admit that sometimes they had no idea what he was talking about. So funny.

Because he did speak Khmer, he was excellent at the city's dumpsite. But it was not just his language skills that made him so well received there. He was able to get down with the people like few others. They loved his style and friendliness. The way he made himself at home.

He also had a fascination with the basic element of life and survival at Steung Meanchey. We tried to dissect it one time, but I don't know that it was ever really settled. Steung Meanchey had a certain attraction for him. It was helping the people, but it was also an adrenaline rush. To survive in those conditions is to be able to survive anywhere.

Through Motomedix and the children that came from the site to AP, Nader's impact on the dumpsite was huge.

As a Motomedix project, we took this cute little rascal to the hospital across the bridge. He was diagnosed with CS. Unfortunately his mother admitted once his treatment had progressed to the physical therapy dept, that she already had braces for him; she had just forgotten them in the province. Her negligence and dishonesty really frustrated us all, especially Nader.

haha this picture cracks me up. "come-re you lil kid"

It has been difficult saying goodbye to Nader. For me, Cambodia is inseverable from my memories of Nader. He was my guide; albeit reluctantly at first. Sights all over the city invariable remind me of my first encounter and Nader explaining it all, like a reporter on the beat. The Rues, the buildings, the people, and especially the coffee shops conjure up the past. But not all of it was nostalgic. Working with him sometimes seemed impossible. This was another difficult aspect of Nader's passing. His dynamic personality and artistic nature made for many conflicts. I think for many of us, we struggled to come to terms with the "unfinished business."

It occurred to me that part of what makes saying goodbye so difficult, is the things you want to say or correct, that you'll never get a chance to.

In our confusion, I found all of our memories shifting and changing like dreams. We remembered only the good. We remembered only the controversy. We looked to each other to find some understanding of the past. I find it odd that in absentia, a person becomes a million things and strangely none of them at the same time. Conclusions fall short. Maybe in death a person becomes what we really are anyway, an essence. The personality, the shortcomings, the day to day strife that filters through our minds - in the end, it dissipates and we are left with the fundamentals:

Nader was a good person, and he did extraordinary things in his lifetime.

I believe he will watch over the children and help guide them from above like a father. As for his friends in Cambodia (and all over), I know he appreciated them all more than he was ever able to say. I hope that friends and family have found peace through time. And I hope that Nader, wherever he is, realizes how much he meant to all of us.

Pages from a book we made his parents.

You will forever be missed, Nader.

Sunset on the Coast

2010-02-24T12:11:00.000-08:00

A prayer given by Maha Ghosananda.

In those who harbor thoughts of blame and vengeance toward others,

Hatred will never cease.

In those who do not harbor blame and vengeance,

Hatred will surely cease.

For hatred is never appeased by hatred.

Hatred is appeased by love.

This is an eternal law.

Just as a mother would protect her only child,

Even at the risk of her own life,

So let one cultivate a boundless heart toward all beings.

Let one's thoughts of love pervade the whole world-above, below, and across,

without any obstruction, without any hatred, without any enmity.

As long as one is awake, one should maintain this mindfulness.

This is to obtain the blessed state in this very life.

The suffering of Cambodia has been deep.
From this suffering comes great Compassion.

Great Compassion makes a Peaceful Heart.

A peaceful Heart makes a Peaceful Person.

A Peaceful Person makes a Peaceful Community.

A Peaceful Community makes a Peaceful Nation.

And a Peaceful Nation makes a Peaceful World.

May all beings live in Happiness and Peace.

Amen.

Revel in Everyday

2010-02-22T11:20:00.000-08:00

Let this be the aim of meditation: to turn one’s innermost being into a vast empty plain, with none of that treacherous undergrowth to impede the view. So that something of “God” can enter you, and something of “Love”, too. Not the kind of love-de-luxe that you revel in deliciously for half an hour, taking pride in how sublime you can feel, but the love you can apply to small, everyday things.

Etty H.

photo Phrollein Stephanie

Quote

2010-02-21T21:46:00.001-08:00

Photo Epoy
In honor of the "Gandhi of Cambodia," one of my favorite quotes from Gandhi.:

In the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in a clearer light, and what is elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness. Our life is a long and arduous quest after Truth.Mahatma Gandhi

Step by Step by Somdech Preah Maha Ghosananda

2010-02-21T20:59:00.000-08:00

I just bought this book: Step by Step by Somdech Preah Maha Ghosananda. It's a great little book of meditations by a man known as the "Gandhi of Cambodia" and the "Buddha of the Battlefield."

In an effort to rid the country of its history and class structure, the Khmer Rouge executed and defrocked all monks when they seized control of the country in 1975. By the end of the reign four years later, there were no longer any living monks in Cambodia.

Before the take-over, Ghosananda had been studying in a forest hermitage in Thailand. Marooned there, during the conflict, he was one of the first and only monks to appear in the refugee camps. Survivors openly wept at the sight of the orange robe and gathered to hear him chant the traditional sutras. He preached a message of forgiveness and compassion and boldly traveled throughout the perilous Cambodian countryside to spread the message.

His small book, Step by Step is a collection of prayers and meditations created with the purpose of healing.

The thought manifests as the word.
The word manifests as the deed.
The deed develops into the habit.
The habit hardens into the character.
The character gives birth to the destiny.
So, watch your thoughts with care
And let them spring from love
Born out of respect for all beings.

As of today, aside from a very good online booklet, there are no printed biographies on Somdech Preah Maha Ghosananda; and this book, Step by Step is out of print.

This information really should be available. Maybe one day I can take on the project: write a biography and also figure out how to republish this collection of meditations.

If this book was reprinted, I think it should include both English and Cambodian, or French and Cambodian, etc. In Rilke's book of poetry, publishers often include the original German version regardless of the translation. I like that idea; I feel like more of the essence is captured when the original form is included. Even if one cannot read Cambodian script, it is beautiful enough that it could even work as illustrations.

Sorry :x enough rambling. Put some good vibes out that, regardless of author, a biography will be in print on Ghosananda someday soon.

Miss Landmine

2010-02-20T11:20:00.000-08:00

This is unexpected. Miss Landmine. A pageant for landmine survivors.

Is that woman really carrying a gun and wearing an explosion on her dress? Bizarre.

I'm not sure how I feel about Miss Landmine. I'm not a fan of pageants to begin with. This one was created by a Norwegian male, who worked in the entertainment business. He began the pageant in Angola where women proudly sported bikinis. I think it's funny; the first thing he said about

Cambodia

was that none of the women would pose in bikinis. Yeay! for modesty.

All memories of US-child exploitation aside, I kind of think the pageants sync enough with Cambodian culture to make the idea work. From my experience, the Cambodians I know really cherish beauty and can appreciate it in all forms. The women I know love to dress-up. For special celebrations, the attention to detail in dress, make-up, and hair is astounding. I can appreciate the long tradition of aesthetics. That said, it is definitely a positive move to appreciate women with disabilities in particular. They need to feel sa’at too. . However, I kind of think the whole pageant idea would be better if the girls wore traditional Cambodian dress. After all that is when Cambodian women feel the prettiest.

Miss Landmine website

Landmines in Cambodia

2010-02-19T16:32:00.000-08:00

Three Thai loggers along the Thailand/Cambodia border were seriously injured by landmines on Tuesday. The loggers were working near An Sess Point in the Preah Vihear province. One man lost his lower leg and the other two lost their entire leg.

I haven't talked much about landmines in Cambodia yet. Although they are a huge problem, Phnom Penh only typically sees the residuals, amputees who have flocked to the city for medical treatment and then have been left in extreme poverty by their ensuing debt.

Having not had much interaction with the subject, I felt like I wanted to educate myself more on the landmine problem. Here is some of what I've learned:

----- Landmines in Cambodia -----

Landmine areas are partitioned right next to houses.

There are an estimated four to six milliones mines and unexploded military refuse in Cambodia.
Most remaining landmines are littered along the northern border with Thailand.

----- Landmine Victims -----

Approximately 40,000 landmine survivors live in Cambodia today. And sources estimate that even more than this number have died from infection or before they could even reach a treatment facility.
Often amputees have to have multiple surgeries to contain infections caused by poor medical facilities and rehabilitation.
Many people must travel to the capital, Phnom Penh to get medical care. Once there, medical bills can easily put patients into debt.
Limited work is available for amputees and many are forced to live on the streets.
According to the NGO forum report -
38% of injuries come from people tampering with landmines, usually trying to remove scrap metal to sell.
56% of injuries effect people trying to earn a living (farming, toting water, collecting wood or other resources from the forest.
Mine accidents are more fatal among children, injuries are often much more debilitating for children. (UNICEF)

----- Removing Mines -----

The costs of laying mines are low, as little as $3 US per mine, but the costs of removal are very high, $1000 US per mine or more (seasite.niu.edu).
At the current rate of progress, it may take as many as 100 years to clear all the mines in Cambodia
It is also estimated that current agricultural production could be more then doubled, without mines.

----- Contaminations Locations -----
map from Halo Trust ~2007

map from esri.com, click for larger size

Too many maps you say? Never.
This is a curious little advert by the UN. Clever, but a little cheeky.

Speaking of Cheeky..
t-shirts? This goes to show people will make a buck off of anything. In the markets, there are t-shirts printed with saying like "I survived Cambodia without stepping on a landmine" and other equally callous statements. .. all this as landmine victims crawl along the floor asking for change.

----- For Tourist -----
Unless tourists want to venture back into the interior of Cambodia, the danger of landmines is very very low. The main landmarks for tourist, Phnom Penh, Angkor Wat, The Killing Fields, etc are free of landmines. Venturing into the back country of Cambodia, it would probably be a good idea to consult locals about landmine location. They can tell you where to go and where not to go. One place to go to learn more:

Visit the Cambodia Landmine Museum near Seam Reap.

And check out these organizations.

Cambodia Countryside Bus Shots

2010-02-18T11:15:00.000-08:00

Sometimes the best pictures come on the fly. So says the person who spent the whole weekend tinkering with F stops, ISOs, and tripods trying to capture a decent landscape > : x arrrrrggh

Even though these were taken by kids from a hazy bus window as it bounced along a pock-marked dirt road, I still keep admiring them. We passed my camera around the bus, so everyone was snapping photos practically without looking.

Is Travel in your future?

2010-02-12T13:43:00.000-08:00

photos: ben, laura mary, snakemagic, long16

It is decidedly so... well maybe not decidedly yet.

I'm looking at plane tickets now. Lots to think about.

Angkoran History

2010-02-09T11:54:00.000-08:00

Angkor Wat near the Elephant Terrace.

I ordered this book over the weekend and can't wait for the mail woman. I got it before from the library, but my fine is out of control..shhhh :x

A History of Cambodia by David Chandler

This is regarded as pretty much the only full history book on Cambodia unfortunately. At least as far as the English world is aware. It is very well done though, concise yet thorough.

I also think he does a good job bringing out themes in the country's history by studying patterns that spanned centuries. It really is a feat to compile information from long stretches of a culture's past into a cohesive analysis. Maybe there's the margin for error and subjectivity, but it's much more interesting to read and also gives a better overall impression of a place in time.

Can't wait to read it in full and at my leisure! haHA

Stacie and Jacky

2010-02-09T11:42:00.001-08:00

I miss you guys!

Postage to Old Cambodia

2010-02-07T21:56:00.000-08:00

I have a love for old letters, graphics and stamps. Who doesn't? There's a sense of imagination sparked by these pieces of the past; and much personality... ah before the invention of glossy! Anyway, I had these Cambodian stamps, so I decided to post them here.

Angkor Outer Wall

2010-02-06T12:15:00.000-08:00

Panorama of the great outer wall of Angkor Wat. And this, my friend is my grand autostitch job. haha oh so grand.

I walked through the main gallery and then out of a side nook to find roughly a 40 foot drop and this view. The groundskeepers were slashing the grass with machetes and taking lunch breaks in the shade. It's so quiet and peaceful there.

Cambodian Postcards

2010-02-05T21:01:00.000-08:00

Postcards from a online vintage paper shop. Beautiful graphics on these old pictures!

I could look at them all day.

Travel Photographer

2010-02-04T12:17:00.000-08:00

I was looking into the photographer for the book, To Cambodia with Love - Tewflic El-Sawy. Terrific name! Tewflic. He's been all over the world photographing people and places. From his website, it looks like he funds his trips, at least in part by offering tour packages.

Seeing his work inspires me. I like portraits of people, and with this new camera, maybe I can up my game in the photography department.

I love those glasses

We had flutes at Angkor Wat too.

This photo is one that I took. But it is also from Angkor Wat.

T playing the flute.
We both got those bracelets (the black and white one - he's wearing).

Mine says Angkor Wut. And his said Canbodia.

hahaa

Andy Brouwer's New Book

2010-02-04T10:45:00.000-08:00

Congratulations to Andy Brouwer, long time British expatriate and Cambodian lover, on his new book! His blog - http://www.andybrouwer.co.uk/blog/ - has been in swing for roughly ten years; and I would venture to say it is probably the most extensive documentation on Cambodia you will find - book or web.

His long standing passion for Cambodian culture has been translated into a new book: To Cambodia with Love.

The book is a compilation of essays by those living in and loving Cambodia with photographs by Tewfic El-Sawy, a travel photographer from Egypt, who now lives in New York City.

Hot off the press - the book will hit shelves probably in May or June 2010.

SMC - bird's eye and on the ground

2010-02-02T23:39:00.000-08:00

I have a fascination with maps. I found Steung Meanchey (Phnom Penh's landfill) on the google satellite while doing something completely different, so in typical fashion, I dropped whatever it was and tried to hunt out all of the roads and paths that I remember. I am about 95% sure of these locations. Ground views at the bottom.

dumptruck path looking towards Steung Meanchey community

In this photo, trucks are located at the "dumptruck path" arrow on the map

Looking down to the motomedix building. It appears the building was not constructed at the time of this satellite photograph.

Also note that, from my understanding, dumptrucks are no longer dropping at this location. This site will be "cleared," whatever that can mean, and developed, so no new trash is coming in. They estimate that all of this will be razed in the next year or two. Of course, this means big problems for all of the families that live and work at the site. They will be "relocated" and left without any source of income. These are the families of the children living at Aziza's Place, so whatever happens will certainly affect AP.

Pictures

2010-01-30T22:32:00.000-08:00

Today I found an old camera card from my last day in Cambodia.

It's surprising and kind of nice to see pictures you haven't looked at yet.

This one is my favorite. I love her little arms.

Khnyom nuk naik tom tom

To Laptop or Not

2010-01-27T12:36:00.001-08:00

It's a question that comes up a lot for travelers and was easy easy to answer back in the day when you had to carry around one for these:

No thanks!
Okay fair enough. Most of the computing world didn't even use laptops back then. People were all stuck to a desk. Yet now desktop computers have all put phased out. Laptops are much thinner and lighter, so the question of "to bring or not to bring" has become an equal battle.

TO BRING

Will you be working? I knew I would be doing a lot of writing, research, and possibly graphic design. Internet cafes are easy to find and pretty cheap, but they are hot, stuffy, and you have to keep track of saving space on any external drive you use.

photo: web.mit.edu
*Making phone calls is pretty cheap at many of the internet cafes.
I called the US for over an hour, and it cost about $1.20!

Are you a digital camera nut? If you want to take loads of picture, it's so nice and easy to be able to download them onto a computer instantly and be able to view them. However a good alternative is to carry a well protected external hard drive with lots of space (4 to 8G). You will be able to store all of your files and have easy access to them through either a friend's computer or at an internet cafe. However, they can be easily damaged. Nothing is worse than holding months of photos lost on a damaged drive. A good solution to this would be to back up favorite photos on a site like Flickr.com. If anything happens, you know you probably weren't ever going to look at those other photos anyway. Just like the 26 hours of bad film footage tourist get at That temple. There's a 0.2% chance they'll ever watch it.

Do you journal? Writing is ridiculously rewarding to read over later. But which method suits you. Some people prefer to write on a computer because they are able to type faster and edit easier.

Are you a techie person? Some people feel naked without a computer. A large part of bringing a computer has to do with your lifestyle.

TO FLY FREE

Freedom! This needs no explanation, but I'm getting ready to anyway. You have no idea how nice it is to be unplugged for long periods of time. It's good for the brain, for the mind, the universe, the tree frogs, the microbes.

Journaling by hand. Typing on a computer is efficient, but writing by hand has many benefits. For one it is much more convenient. "Ah, the battery is at 5% and there's no outlet for 40 miles!!" Also writing (and drawing) in a journal brings so much more personality to an experience. If you are a great writer, a typed explanation of what you see and feel is wonderful, but if you are an artist - and even if you're not - the written form is much more immediate for expressing a feeling or idea. Just whip out the journal and stick that scrap of paper in it. Make a note of where you were and what you were doing. You'll be instantly transported later. Glue the bus ticket inside. Write while on the bus. A journal can go a million places a computer cannot and it's also much less obtrusive, which helps you blend in and absorb your surroundings.

Is your pack heavy? If you are backpacking or moving around a lot, a 12" hunk of metal is the last thing you want on your back. It might not seem like much, but a few ounces - much less a pound or two - feel like the difference between raisins and elephants at the end of a long day of trekking.

TO BRING pulls ahead in the final round.

The market has exploded with mini-puters lately.. This little Acer Aspire is handheld and light. Packing is not such a problem now. (Although you still have those annoying cords.)

I actually have one of these. The price tag is reasonable. It does everything a big puter does, it just fits in your bag a lot easier. I would still prefer to fly free, but for work and photos, it was sort of a necessity. And a good compromise.

If you are planning on taking off on an adventure, hopefully this has given you some pillars on which to build your decision. If you are stuck at home at the moment, I recommend stepping away from this thing and absorbing the freedom.

Ngor Murder back in the News

2010-01-26T15:05:00.000-08:00

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The public is again turning their attention to the mysterious 1996 murder of Academy award-winning actor, Haing Ngor, who famously portrayed Cambodian war photographer Dith Pran in the film - The Killing Fields. During the recent Khmer Rouge tribunal, testimony was given suggesting that Ngor was killed for appearing in the film and for speaking out against the Khmer Rouge.

Dith Pran and Sydney Schanberg
Journalist team that covered the fall of Phnom Penh to the Khmer Rouge

Sam Waterston, as Schanberg and Haing S. Ngor, as Pran in The Killing Fields

Haing S. Ngor was killed in Los Angeles in 1996. As a man who had, himself, survived the Khmer Rouge, the likelihood that Ngor would fall victim to a random act of robbery-gone-wrong, sent many in the Cambodian community into speculation. Ngor's survival instincts kept him alive through the entire Khmer Rouge era. He was forced into labor camps, hiding his past as a gynecologist, which to the KR would mean he was not a peasant and should be executed. He was even forced to keep his identity covered as his wife was dying of a condition he could likely treat. The hardships are unimaginable, and so when Ngor finally immigrated to the United States he became vocal about his views on the Khmer Rouge. However, in the 1980s, many deposed leaders of the regime were still in power or at large. Speaking out was dangerous, even an ocean away. Though he was warned by friends and family, Ngor felt that it was his duty to bring the atrocities of the Cambodian regime into the public spotlight.

His death rattled everyone, and many immediately looked for the political connections. Investigations into the murder were conducted by the Los Angeles Police Department, who found very little concrete evidence. Pressured by Ngor's notoriety, they hurried to bring the case to a close. The act was attributed to gang members, who were attempting to rob Ngor, although much evidence was found to dispute this claim. Probably the most convincing is that a gold watch and substantial cash was left on Ngor's body.

The lack of closure and confusion has lingered for so many in the years since. This past week's surprise testimony by Kang Kek Ieu, known as Comrade Duch, has sent shock waves through the Cambodian community. Duch commanded an execution prison for the Khmer Rouge in the 1970s. The estimated number of tortured and executed Cambodians is so high, numbers are hard to pin down. His comments that Ngor was killed for speaking out against the Khmer Rouge have been taken by many as the long awaited evidence that Ngor's killing was an assassination. However, police question Duch's reliability.

La Times Article

I can't decide whether it would have been incredibly painful or cathartic to relive the horrible memories of what he endured by playing this part in The Killing Fields.

Cambodia donates 50,000 to Haiti Relief

2010-01-16T09:40:00.000-08:00

Facts on Haiti Relief:

Following the devastating earthquake in Haiti on Tuesday, the Cambodian government sent 50,000 USD to the relief efforts.

As a country that supposedly has more NGOs and aid organizations than any other country in the world, Cambodia's gesture was noteworthy. Also neighbor Thailand donated $100,000 USD, and has promised to send 20,000 tons of rice. Nam bai.

If you are interested in what countries have pledged, visit here. The country of Madonna donated 250,000. I also noted on this website that actress, Sandra Bullock donated 1 million to Doctors Without Borders. Wow. I hope all of these funds can transfer into water, food, shelter, clothes, cleaning and reconstruction.

On the topic of donations: I also found that the Cambodian government gave 20,000 USD to the relief fund for Hurricane Katrina, and King Sihanouk donated another 20,000 to match.

Photo Op

2010-01-14T23:17:00.000-08:00

Good news...for tourist at Angkor Wat, but maybe not so much for the temples. According to the APSARA National Authority (APSARA) via Andy Brouwer, the tip-top level of Angkor Wat Temple, called the Bakan reopened today. It has been closed since October 2007, so we missed the final ascension when we went with the school last December. I look forward to climbing those precariously eroded stairs very gently to see the full view next time.

The Bakan is the central tower.

Somlay posing with monks in front of the No Access signs

The view from the top must be amazing! There is really nothing like Angkor Wat in this world.

Happy New Year! (Khmer Script)

2010-01-06T10:56:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year Everyone!!

This says "Su saday Chnam Thmey ...bi poeahn dop"
Su saday = happy (also hello)
Chnam = year
Thmey = new
numerals:
bi = two
poeahn = thousand
dop = ten

Hope you have a great year!

Happy Birthday Ali

2010-01-03T12:03:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday Ali!!

I miss you Ali and your laughs. Ali has an awesome sense of humor, and we just clicked from the start. I can't wait to have another brainstorm session over coffee.

Ali and Momphat

The only picture I have of us together...

Yes I look ridiculous and you were wearing my clothes HA!

Merry Christmas in Khmer Script

2009-12-25T06:44:00.000-08:00

Suor Sdey Thngia Bun No Eil = Merry Christmas in Cambodian Script

The picture says Riek Rieyay Tgnai Bon Noel, which is just a little more formal.

(Pronunciations translations vary. Tgnai Bon Noel and Thngia Bun No Eil are the same words, just two different interpretations. )

Christmas Gifts

2009-12-22T22:13:00.000-08:00

It's that time of year, for cheer and all things Christmas!!

I love Christmas. I share that love with my Mr. We could bake cookies, watch Christmas movies, toast in front of the fireplace, drink tea, and talk snow all day. I particularly like the gift-giving. I know. I'm not much of a shopper, but I love to find the perfect gift.

I've talked to several people who are giving to charity in the name of gift-giving this season. It's such a great idea. But think about this - rather than giving to a blanket organization, which requires large sums for marketing and administration, why not give to Aziza's Place for Christmas. You can see for yourself where all of the money goes and what a HUGE difference it is making in real time with the newsletter and through me! It's the sweetest gift you can give!

How to Donate

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From the other side.

2009-12-21T21:46:00.000-08:00

I got a call from Cambodia the other night, and it was like time travel switching over to that world. From a scrubby couch in Los Angeles, trying to find some Christmas gifts, to the wonderful happenings in Phnom Penh.

Amjad tells me they took everyone bowling! The kids were rolling down the lanes with the balls. His kind words were like sunshine bringing me out of this past week's drizzle. I feel so blessed to have Cambodia, Amjad, the children and all of the promise of the future in my life.

Heck yeah Khmer Script

2009-12-19T22:16:00.000-08:00

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Before I get heckled, I'm probably the only one that cares. But check it out, I got a letter from Makara in Cambodian and I read it without a dictionary! Heck yeah! Take me into your program University of Hawaii, I'm ready haha...

On the subject of winning, I am going with R. to his company Christmas retreat in Las Vegas this weekend. Oh the irony of opposites..

How do you say Happy New Year in Cambodian?

Aziza's Place in the News

2009-12-10T13:17:00.000-08:00

Heads up, I got the word that Aziza's Place film program was featured in the Phnom Penh Post on Monday. Nader started this program.

Addressing the past to change the future – one frame at a time
Monday, 07 December 2009 15:01
By: Roth Meas

In recent months, much has been done to celebrate the past of Cambodian cinema through a film festival at Chinese House and a photography exhibition at Sa Sa Gallery. However the present state of the film industry is still very much a work in progress. It may be a while before Cambodian youths take up the camera to shoot feature films, but some of them are getting their start in an unusual place.

Hong Buncheng, Kruy Sengkri, Nheb Channy, South Chiev and Von Rotha, five residents of Aziza’s Place, a grassroots residential and educational NGO serving impoverished Cambodian children, are making movies inspired by their downbeat lives as scrap scavengers in the Stung Meanchey waste dumpsite.

Embarrassment, contempt and arrogance are among the issues that they have been addressing in their creative film class. Von Rotha, a 16-year-old ninth-grader at Tuol Tumpong secondary school, focused his movie on the theme of encouragement, which, he says, is a message that he hopes will reach his classmates.

“At school, some students look down on me,” Von Rotha explained. “They say I stay in NGOs and don’t learn much.” However, in addition to his public school education, he is engaging in more holistic studies at Aziza’s. After leaving his mother in Battambang province to move into the NGO, Von Rotha began studying drawing, dancing and film in addition to his academic schooling.

Von Rotha says he realises that social stratification issues don’t just exist in school between classmate peers, but are a ubiquitous problem throughout Cambodian society.

Von Rotha knows the feeling of embarrassment well, but says that he has also learned the importance of encouragement while living at Aziza’s Place. He hopes to expose embarrassment and arrogance in society by analysing their impact in his films. Besides helping to encourage the country’s poor and orphaned, Von Rotha also hopes that his movies could help to accelerate the quality and social impact of the film sector in Cambodia.

“Cambodian film stars now don’t even care to read a script before performing,” said Von Rotha. “When they perform, they just listen and speak after the director,” adding that he has heard that Cambodian film- makers produce any story going, regardless of the statement it makes.

Von Rotha always ensures his cast is all on the same page before shooting begins, giving scripts to his actors to practice their lines in advance. His six-minute short, which was screened this weekend at Aziza’s, was about a karate class. He expects his story about the concept of encouragement to take a unique angle on local social issues, encouraging the poor to struggle for better lives, even though they are often embarrassed or looked down upon.

Continue reading at Phnompenhpost.com

Happy Birthday Zita!

2009-12-09T12:25:00.000-08:00

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Happy Birthday My Dear Friend

One year ago today, we were sitting in a French Shoppe in Siem Reap eating crepes, listening to Jacques Dutronc and celebrating your birthday! What a year!

Hope 2010 is filled with blessings.

Ram Neung Khynom

2009-11-22T14:53:00.000-08:00

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Finally found the karaoke version of this to study. Thanks to the girl in PP who sent it to me!

Khmer Love

2009-11-20T14:56:00.000-08:00

Take Note

2009-11-06T23:49:00.000-08:00

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."You must not seek a hundred small satisfactions for one great longing. You must keep it while raising it to a higher plane, as it were, and draw strength and inspiration from it."
- Etty Hillesum

Etty always speaks to me, no matter what she's talking about. Sometimes it is difficult to be in the places we are, doing the things we are doing. Our dreams take us far away and in and out of space. We must remember to hold dear our ideals and dreams; keep them close to our chest and play them at the right moment.

We keep places and more importantly people in our hearts always. So in a way, we have never really gone anywhere.

pic from travelpod.com

Dreaming Cambodia

2009-10-21T14:32:00.000-07:00

..while I slave away on silly projects here. One day soon I will get back to the heart of life. Now I know how you feel Makara sans bike. It was my most favorite possession. Dreaming about Cambo..

Combodia new spellling via khmeriszation.blogpost

Navy's pictures

2009-10-19T14:22:00.000-07:00

Navy sent me some pictures she took with her XO computer.

Navy in her super cool skirt, with Cath (a volunteer from New Zealand) and Sokty. (He's getting so big!! : ) - because he's growing and :( - because I'm not there to see it.)

Their karate trophy

Sreyphea with the gang

Pea with a trophy growing out of her head.

Thanks for the pictures Navy!

Happy Anniversary: Missy and Cambodia

2009-10-14T10:53:00.000-07:00

(I pack heavy heavy ; )

I cannot believe that on this date one year ago exactly I was leaving.

Time has sort of distorted, a million things have happened, but it all feels like a dream in one instance.

I want to remember this day always. On this day in 2008, I truly followed the voice inside.

What am I doing?

2009-10-13T22:53:00.000-07:00

*** So you know I am transfering pictures, notes, writing, and all this good stuff from my journal into this blog space. I will be updating in the randomest order (I want the dates to reflect when the events happened.) I have just returned to the USA after 8 months in Phnom Penh. I hope to return to Cambodia soon and continue the journal real time. So stay tuned.

Thank you!

***

Study Khmer in Hawaii and Cambodia Program

2009-10-09T16:19:00.000-07:00

I really want to do this. But unfortunately it's not as simple as, "hey guys, see how much I want to learn, let me in your program!"

Money.

Time.

The future is upon us

2009-10-05T16:23:00.000-07:00

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I am giving this image my offical
"Cheesiest Corporate Graphic" Award.
There are many!

They are slaving away and you are taking tea time.

gradients and global communication

Commendable presentation.

Marketing Solutions for Business Development....
They don't know what they are talking about either.

Okay, I've had my laugh at the corporate world, But on to more important topics.

Careers for the Family at Aziza's Place

Many of the children at Aziza's Place are not actually children anymore. They are teenagers! Yikes! AP has only been open 2 and half years, but already the children are growing up. Staff and foundation coordinators are in a mad dash to find the appropriate next steps to ensure that this diverse education translates into a desirable job and a fulfiling future.

We are on the look out for scholarships, internships and employment options for at least 8 teens??

One of our oldest students was placed in a web coding class in conjunction with another ngo in Cambodia. This was an excellent opportunity, and we hope to find many other options like this. We have teens interested in computers, architecture, film, medicine and nursing, science, journalism, engineering, graphic design, crafts and sewing, sports, and geography. There really is a range of interests.

They speak English and are improving their writing skills daily. They have been exposed to a wide variety of disciplines, but are infectiously curious to learn new things. They are intellegent, polite, fun and full of life. I am looking forward to seeing where this next step takes them!

Donate and Support Aziza's Place

2009-10-04T18:29:00.000-07:00

Please if you are able, donate to Aziza’s Place.

Food, school tuition, rent, and staff salaries totals about 60,000 a year. AP needs the support of friends around the globe. You can help in a number of ways. Sign up for $40 a month, or fund a particular area (food for one year, uniforms, books, art supplies). There are so many ways to get directly invovled in supporting this amazing school.

Contact ali at azizafoundation.org for more information.

You can also donate easily through Paypal

Aziza's Place Courtyard Newsletter

2009-10-04T15:33:00.000-07:00

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The Aziza's Place newsletter, affectionately called the Courtyard is available online.

Aziza's Place Courtyard

I worked long hours when I was at Aziza's Place to create this newsletter. The graphics, the stories and the layouts all allowed me to live out my journalistic dreams in one huge swoop. Many thanks to Amjad for his steady ideas and edits and Adam Johnson for his expert css and html skills.

I've handed the project over to Ali Robbins, who is keeping the ball rolling, so check in every once in a while, or sign-up for the email version.

Nader Festival

2009-10-03T18:11:00.000-07:00

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Nader worked with musicians, filmmakers, and photographers during his career as an artist in San Francisco, New York and Barcelona. It was always his dream to have a musical festival in Phnom Penh.

Nader’s brother Amir Ebrahimi is organizing a festival scheduled for March 2010 in his honor.

The festival would run for 2 weeks and include performances, workshops with the children, and continued lessons through Skype. All will be filmed for a documentary in Nader's honor.

He needs your help.

Contact amir at amirnyc.com

I miss you too : (

2009-10-01T09:04:00.001-07:00

I really miss all of those kids.

It's so difficult to miss out on their lives.

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Ugly or not....here I come

2009-09-25T12:09:00.000-07:00

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Usually you see these shoes on older ladies in Santa Monica, who have paid gardeners.

Yes, they aren't especially attractive. BUT.......

listen.

When I first went to Cambodia, I was wearing flip-flops everyday. It was raining then and the sandals were fine for sloshing through the streets. But when I visited the city's garbage dump to visit families and help out with Nader's clinic, the shoes weren't cutting it.

I got scraped up with glass; my shoes got momentarily lost in sludge; the fabric was impossible to clean. There was no way to bring sneakers out there. And it was way too hot for boots. Solution? :

These Holy shoes!

- you can get them so disgustingly nasty, but they still wash up perfectly.
- you can wash your feet up perfectly
- they let air in and are nice and cool
- they have rubbery traction,
- I climbed around on the rocks at the beach and they were better than sneakers or barefoot
- they float when you loose them in the water
- they protect you from glass, splinters, cockroaches, and big spiders
- they are lighter and more flexible

..trade off, they big and cluncky. ...and GW wears them. blah

Now people give me heat for wearing them, but don't knock it 'til you try it.

Angkor Wat in Toothpicks by Stan Munro

2009-08-30T15:49:00.000-07:00

Angkor Wat made out of Toothpicks!

Call him an architectural historian, not a toothpick artist.

Stan Munro, 39, of Syracuse, NY took on his toothpick hobby full-time in 2003 when he was laid off from his job at a New York TV station.

He sold his first toothpick sculpture collection comprised of 50 buildings to a museum in Spain in 2005. Since then, he has carved out a unique career niche for himself, building religious, historical and cultural landmarks from all over the globe.

Each is sculpture in a series is built to the same scale so their size and shape can be compared. And each is adorned with finite detail, part of the sculptural process that, as an architecture buff, Munro really enjoys. According to Munro, he spends the majority of his time researching the buildings, finding and studying technical drawings and satellite photos. The scaling he does himself.

"No one has built all these buildings to the same scale and put them side by side before - let alone out of toothpicks."

info from the dailymail.co.uk and his website.

Happy Birthday Sheik

2009-06-26T20:12:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Geek the Sheik!

Miss you like a water fountain in the Sahara

Peddling through moto traffic. Like a drunk acrobat on a tight-robe.

Soul sister for life.

I said it.

2009-05-28T16:24:00.000-07:00

We had a parent’s night tonight. Before the parent’s night I gathered them all together; we were sitting in the main room. I started to say something but my words got caught in my throat. I thought this is not good. I am physically unable to tell them. I turned to Socheat and said something about eating dinner. I tried to collect myself before I talked, so I looked at the brick wall and tried to think about the brick wall.
Then I said. The reason you’re all here is I want to tell you that I have to leave soon.
I couldn’t help it I cried.

Sometimes I wear my heart on my sleeve. I can’t hide my feelings. I really have grown to love these kids.

Some of the younger ones cried, because they cry vicariously – sympathetic crying.
Theara cried later. I am crying now. Why all this?

This is such a difficult decision to leave. But I do need to go back. I must go back and finish this chapter. My fourth education….. was Cambodia.

I will forever love Cambodia, the ruthless insanity: beautiful, dirty, dangerous, this life-giving and life-taking land, alive with children, torn and decaying at the edges. This place has taken a piece of my heart; and I think it will always reside here. I spent a waking dream in this land. God found me buried in under rocks in the western desert, swept me up, packed me into a jet and propelled me across the world to a little treehouse nestled in red dirt, school uniforms and exhaust fumes.

What a strange experience this has been. To say the least. My heart has been pulled by a trahee line up into my throat.

Drawing for James

2009-05-22T00:44:00.000-07:00

This is a drawing I did for James. I don't know how time gets away from me. Okay I do, but anyway. I had to send it through Jane to Australia.

It says "Moto" in Cambodian and those are ducks or geese strapped to the back of the motorbike. A typical sight in Phnom Penh.

Hope James will be back soon!

Sorry for the crappy paper, I thought it would look cool matted or something on a light background. It was intentional, not just torn out of a book.

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Eat Rice...for the rest of my life

2009-05-02T00:44:00.000-07:00

This is another slide from Nader's presentation. The phrase "Eat Rice" is kind of ubiquitous here and maybe we are all just a little too amused by it. One of the first phrases you learn in Cambodian is "Nam Bai." Eat Rice.

One day I met up with Rothana for lunch. We sat down at the noodle shop and she said, "I have to eat rice, I didn't eat any this morning. And that's not good," she shook her head and looked at the menu.

The boys broke out the guitars and with Dan's guidance wrote a tune that will forever bring a smile to my face. Perhaps we will hear the recording one day. It goes something like Nam Bai in the morning, nam bai in the middle of the night. nam bai for the rest of my life.

Nam bai for the rest of my life

Banjos in Cambodia...

2009-05-01T23:37:00.000-07:00

Ty picked up the banjo, and it was like he had been playing for years. Nader said that sometimes he thought it was me playing downstairs but when he came down he would find Ty just strumming away. So much natural talent.

This slide must be from a powerpoint Nader was putting together - how honored my banjo was to be a part of the presentation. However, Banjo hasn't take to the climate very well. Her strings go out of tune minutes after adjusting, I guess due to the humidity. And then they break like dry spaghetti. I know in the old days they would just go out back and restring with some cow ligaments, pig hairs or something, and coincidentally you'd probably find those nick-nacks easily here. Yet, I have kept my faith for the postal service which, to date, has delivered about 60% of my mail. Sometimes that includes banjo strings.

With Dan, we are bringing Appalachian folk music all over the globe.

Countryside

2009-04-28T23:22:00.000-07:00

Thinking about going to a wedding with Jane in the countryside. I haven't had a chance to get out into the fields much, but I'd love to. There are bound to be so many wonderful little places in Southeast Asia and now that my Khmer is getting better I will have some back up if I get into no-mans-land.

via porirua

the little things

2009-04-26T02:42:00.000-07:00

It’s a beautiful day today. The sky is dark with clouds that hang low and threaten rain more than deliver it. I’ve been in an extremely weird state of mind. Even writing after so long feels foreign to me. I've had to live in two places at once. I am blessed to be able to stay here at Sam’s old place. It’s a fine shelter; maybe a little awkward, but under the circumstances I don’t have much choice. My room is flooded, and it has become too difficult to sleep there. I need some time to myself anyway. It has been too long and I feel like I am giving way to daily wear and tear. Life has not been easy.

It’s getting dark and I promised I would bring my computer to the school. I also have to say good-bye to Laura, a volunteer from Canada. She is a very kindspirit, only 18, but wise for her years. She is happy and eager to head to Turkey next. Her world is full of possibilities and new horizons. I feel like a dark cloud around her. These past months have been cloaked in death and loss. I am fluctuating like a pendulum between my aching heart and the moments when I force myself to close it all off and breathe in the joys. However hard to see at the moment, they never go away:

the rain light enough to mist fresh air, but not heavy enough to soak my clothes
the colorful building
a group of teenagers smiling and saying “hello”, ever so proud of their English
the brilliant seafoam building where Vietnamese play a form of chess
the symphonic chaos of the motos
splashing water
torn sidewalks
random piles of dirt and trash
human invention unique lean-tos folding off the storefronts
red plastic chairs
ponchos
carved stone
gigantic street roaming pigs
and flaming pagodas rising from ash.

Duck baby - Vegetarians , run for your life!

2009-04-10T23:29:00.000-07:00

This is called Balut - an incubated duck or chicken fetus. I've seen it served in a soup broth, but looks like you can eat it in a slew of creative ways. I never could get close enough to this to get a proper photo, so I've swiped one here.

+++

Apparently it's a tasty treat all over Southeast Asia. Oh this poor cute lil duckie..

Basketball Match Pictures

2009-04-04T16:49:00.000-07:00

Dan's friend from the lakeside came to visit the school today. I liked these shots from the basketball match.

untitled

2009-04-04T02:10:00.000-07:00

"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy;

for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves.

We must die to one life before we can enter another."

- Anatole France

photo by irena suchocki

Jon Swain on Dith Pran

2009-04-04T01:08:00.000-07:00

It has been one year since the death of Dith Pran, a Cambodian hero who raised the plight of the Cambodian people into the mainstream media.

Jon Swain wrote the following tribute to his friend in the Sunday Times last year.

Jon Swain was about to be shot by the Khmer Rouge when Dith Pran intervened. The Sunday Times war reporter pays tribute to the courage of his friend, who died last week

Four years after his enslavement by the Khmer Rouge, an intrepid Cambodian stumbled out of the thickly wooded jungle to freedom. His legs were wobbly. He was weak with malaria. His front teeth were broken. His face was gaunt. He was incredibly thin – but he still retained his lopsided grin. That grin was still in place – although fading – in the weeks before Dith Pran died last Sunday in a hospital in America, his adopted home, from pancreatic cancer. He was 65. Although wan and thin, he moved on gracefully, loved and mourned by all whose lives he had touched. “This is my path and I must go where it takes me,” he said shortly before the end.

Pran’s harrowing personal tale of enslavement and escape from the Khmer Rouge in 1979 had eventually become the subject of the Oscar-winning film The Killing Fields, directed by Roland Joffé, which focused global attention on one of history’s worst genocides. Pran was justly famous. Were it not for this former tourist guide to the fabled Angkor temples, who later became interpreter and assistant to Sydney Schanberg, a reporter for The New York Times, in Cambodia, the world’s eyes would probably not have been opened to the monstrous atrocities committed by the Khmer Rouge in his native land. In its rush to forge a new society, 2m people died in executions or from starvation, disease and overwork – nearly a third of the population. However, Pran did more. After his escape he moved to America, where he worked as a photographer for The New York Times and spent the rest of his life speaking out about what his countrymen had been through. He also pushed for war crimes trials for the Khmer Rouge leaders – trials that are finally due to begin this year in Phnom Penh, the Cambodian capital. Pran, alas, will never see them. “I am a one-person crusade,” he once said. “I must speak for those who did not survive and those who still suffer.”

I owe this honourable Cambodian a debt of gratitude that I can never erase. He saved my life when I was captured by the Khmer Rouge. At the time the Cambodian war was a sideshow to the war raging next door in Vietnam and some aspects of it seemed comic. Before sallying forth every morning into the countryside to witness the fighting, we reporters would meet at the Groaning Table – an open-air cafe – for a military briefing from a charming colonel called Am Rong, whose unfortunate name was a butt of endless jokes. His military communiqués, I remember, were invariably nonsense. The seductive wartime capital, with its brothels and opium parlours, encouraged all kinds of indiscretions and we conducted our lives as though we were characters in a Graham Greene novel; or we liked to imagine that we did.

However, the war was deadly serious. So we also took insane risks and witnessed and reported on some of the most appalling human suffering that I have seen. In the process more than 20 of the tiny foreign press corps of about 60 were killed in a matter of months by the Khmer Rouge, who never took prisoners. And many more Cambodian journalists also died. We loved the Cambodians, who had a disarming insouciance in the face of danger. The difference between us and the band of local journalists we hired to interpret the language, politics and culture was that they were seeing and reporting on their own country being destroyed. We, on the other hand, were reporting from the privileged position of visitors who could always bail out. For them, there could be nowhere else to go: they and their loved ones were trapped by the war and their survival was dependent on the outcome.

It was Pran who was the unacknowledged dean of this Cambodian press corps, not because of the status that his job with the venerable New York Times gave him, but because he was so unusually acute and resourceful and had unassailable integrity. The horrors of the war had made morality a luxury that many of his fellow countrymen had long since discarded. Yet, unlike so many of the politicians and generals for whom survival and money were the ultimate objectives, Pran remained faithful to his principles. He believed passionately that the story of the destruction of his beautiful homeland needed to be told. And to that end he risked his life time after time.

I first met Pran in 1972. Although his loyalty was always to Schanberg, he was ready to give help and advice to me and all the other journalists. Never more so than on April 17, 1975 – the day of the fall of Phnom Penh. On that same day Schanberg, Al Rockoff, an American photographer, and I were captured by the Khmer Rouge. A squad of teenage soldiers with hate-filled eyes forced us into a captured armoured personnel carrier (APC). Pran, realising we were going to be executed, selflessly argued to be allowed to join us inside, knowing full well that without his communication skills we were doomed. It is this story that is told in The Killing Fields. And it was Dith Pran himself, by the way, who coined the phrase “killing fields” after seeing the grim piles of corpses and skeletal remains on his desperate trek to freedom. That was in the future. Back when Pran volunteered himself as a prisoner, there seemed little hope of escape for any of us. First we were taken to the banks of the Mekong river; then the rear door of the APC opened and a pair of Khmer Rouge soldiers, pointing rifles, beckoned us out. We knew they were going to shoot us. Pran got out first and began to talk softly and firmly, as he always did. He told the Khmer Rouge that we were neutral journalists who had come to report on their historic “liberation”; and, after a while, our would-be killers began to calm down. The tension suddenly evaporated and we were freed.

A few days later we tried to doctor one of my two British passports for Pran so that he could be evacuated with us to Thailand as a foreigner – but we failed. The Khmer Rouge forced him to go into the countryside – by now becoming a giant labour camp – where he somehow survived torture, starvation and a life of unremitting hard toil. When he emerged four years later, 50 members of his family had perished. Mercifully, Schanberg had evacuated Pran’s wife, Ser Moeun, and his four beloved children before Phnom Penh fell and they were safely in America. The first I knew of his freedom was when I received a telegram from Schanberg, who had been tortured by guilt about Pran’s disappearance and had led his own one-man crusade to trace his helper and friend. The telegram included a personal message from Pran, patterned on a Cambodian proverb: “Hi Jon. The world is round. Now I meet you again. Pran was in bad shape, but the life is remained. Love Pran.” I still have it. In subsequent years I saw him several times back in Cambodia.

It is a place that takes over the soul, and those who have known it at its worst are irresistibly drawn back. We revisited old spots – including, once, the place on the riverbank where, blinking in the sunlight, we had stood facing the rifles of the Khmer Rouge peasant boys, waiting for the volley of shots that would kill us. The slight man I had known had put on weight; he had adopted American food and habits and had a New Jersey twang. Beneath all that he was still the same Pran: warm and attentive, with that peculiarly Cambodian joie de vivre and a mischievous sense of humour. His business card announced simply: “Dith Pran – photographer”. On the other side, however, it listed information about how the Khmer Rouge had ruined his beloved homeland. Using his survival as a tool against injustice and genocide, he became a good-will ambassador for the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees, founded a holocaust awareness project and compiled a book of children’s accounts of growing up under the Khmer Rouge.

It is given to few journalists to make a real difference to people’s lives. Once safe in America, Pran could have retreated into the background. Countless Cambodians did. But he saw it as his duty to stop the memory of what had happened to his country fading away. That and his courage and loyalty are what made Pran magnificent. Latterly, friends said, he had become disappointed with the way Cambodia was becoming rotten again with corruption and cruelty. His marriage to Ser Moeun had broken up and another marriage had failed. Despite personal setbacks, he bore his public role gracefully. Right to the end he always thought there was more that he could do, according to Schanberg, who spent many days attending to his dying friend. “Pran was a true reporter – a fighter for the truth and for his people,” Schanberg said. “When the cancer struck, he fought for his life again. And he did it with the same Buddhist calm and courage and positive spirit that made [him] so special.” Having been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer too late for much hope of survival, Pran urged others to undergo early testing. “I want to save lives, including my own,” he said. He had triumphed over the Khmer Rouge and outlived their leader, Pol Pot, who had turned Cambodia into a madhouse. But Pran knew deep down that the battle against cancer was one he could not win. “Cambodians believe we just rent this body,” he said not long before he died. “It is just a house for the spirit; and if the house is full of termites, it is time to leave.”

April 2

2009-04-02T00:53:00.000-07:00

i miss you nader

Science Class

2009-03-19T21:40:00.000-07:00

As classes have gotten back to order, we - the English teachers - have scrabbled to undertake a real big project. We decided on outerspace; I think partially because Maria's sister is going to visit. She's a NASA scientist, so we want the kids to have some understanding of space as she talks. Also, why not? Space. Planets. Comet. The universe is a fascinating topic. In the advanced class, they made brochures for aliens to visit Earth.

Sengkri's brochure = "Look at the Humans" I love that. What a Spectacle!

Some of the great drawings on the brochures.

Callousness on What Remains

2009-03-14T11:35:00.000-07:00

Notes on Dying:

1. We are a little to eager to speak for the dead. Everyone steps in to be the voice of that person who no longer has one. Everyone thinks they know best what he or she would have said, would have wanted. In some cases, maybe few cared in life what you were saying, but now they make brash motions to assume they know and always knew where you were coming from.

2. There's a certain admiration for the departed, as if they've done something you have yet to undertaker and you have a little more respect for them because of it. They've done something BIG. You always admired people who acted BIG.

3. All of your belongings suddenly lose value. Just like a total stock market crash. Things you spent lots of money on and things you picked up for free or from the trash are worth the same. All brought to zero and then reabsorbed into the trade. Maybe the worth is gauged in sentimentality.

4. The best and worst is revealed. Things you left are found and you become a puzzle people rework in your wake. Some of your secrets get revealed, but people are forgiving, generally unless they are left with the burden of unfinished business.

Silence

2009-03-05T10:20:00.000-08:00

Nader’s Cambodian funeral is today. I asked for some perspective in all of this. To fare better than I have already. Feels like my mind has been demolished of all rationality. I am taken aback by other’s lack of grief; I am taken aback by their grief. There is no social constraint on these kinds of pains. I need to get back to help, but I thought as a sort of homage to the time we spent together at the coffee shop, I would take one last coffee.

It’s starting to wear off the illusion that he’d roll up at any second on his moto. I suppose the grim facts are starting to sink in. I don’t think I want this turn of events. The Shock was better. What is left is permanence.

Last night the scientist was talking about space. How in space there’s no way to cool or heat an object, because there is no air to influence the temperature. I get it. A void of substance, or maybe just the illusion of nothingness.

I have so much to contemplate – decisions to make that were pending before this and that have gone nowhere in the interim. Still waiting for me. Life is such a bloody waiting game. It’s the irony. Perhaps it’s being a girl, or maybe just a human being, there’s the distinct need to communicate and share, but then on the other hand, to be completely and utterly alone is such a blessing at times. I think about relationships and the impact revealing all of the murky undercurrents that unfortunately define us; how it binds us together in enduring knots. Surely it does. But who said that the shortest distance between two points is not a line, but laughing. It’s sounds campy, but it’s true. Cambodians know it. They just want to have fun. We, Westerners, are the ones always trying to make a meal out of it. Suppose there’s a time for both.
And a time for neither.
And a time for pure unadulterated silence.

Pilotage Cambodia

friends from Cambodia all across the world

Coffee and conversation

It's a sign - haha

Remembering Nader

Cambodian Water Festival Tragedy

You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.

new year

T'ngai kom nert

Hello

My last day

The Old Coffee Shop

The concept of Place

Mock bi Udong

More on the Eviction stories: Steung Meanchey Families

Chibodia

Lakeside North

West Boeung Kak Lakeside

Aziza Schoolhouse

Drew's Franchise

Pics From JANA!

Words of Wisdom

New Little one

Steung Meanchey in April

Funny Cambodia

Hello long lost blog

Puzzles and Papy

Stay Tuned

Reunion

Goodbye Tree Coffee

All talk on the English front

Ah the lightness of being

Guess Where I'm at?

Happy Birthday Nader

Where's Caitlin

Heat Pocket

Learning Khmer: Karaoke Style

Getting Ready for the Ride

Happy Birthday Jane

Cambodia Cambodia Cambodia

Khnyom trolop Kampuchea

Remembering Nader

Sunset on the Coast

Revel in Everyday

Quote

Step by Step by Somdech Preah Maha Ghosananda

Miss Landmine

Landmines in Cambodia

Cambodia Countryside Bus Shots

Is Travel in your future?

Angkoran History

Stacie and Jacky

Postage to Old Cambodia

Angkor Outer Wall

Cambodian Postcards

Travel Photographer

Andy Brouwer's New Book

SMC - bird's eye and on the ground

Pictures

To Laptop or Not

Ngor Murder back in the News

Cambodia donates 50,000 to Haiti Relief

Photo Op

Happy New Year! (Khmer Script)

Happy Birthday Ali

Merry Christmas in Khmer Script

Christmas Gifts

From the other side.

Heck yeah Khmer Script

Aziza's Place in the News

Happy Birthday Zita!

Ram Neung Khynom

Khmer Love

Take Note

Dreaming Cambodia

Navy's pictures

Happy Anniversary: Missy and Cambodia

What am I doing?

Study Khmer in Hawaii and Cambodia Program

The future is upon us